Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Friendship Experts--I Need Your Advice!

At the risk of sounding a bit like I am returning to high school, I am seeking advice from anyone willing to give it.

About seven years ago, I became very good friends with someone I will call "Susan". During this time our families have gone on vacations together, celebrated holidays together, and over all been very good friends. I consider Susan one of my most cherished friends and have been very grateful for her friendship.

A little over a year ago, both Susan and her husband received stake callings where they made some new friends. Since that time most of their weekends have been spent with this other couple. Susan has gone from calling me every day to calling about once a month. On occasion she will email me but for the most part our communication has dwindled down to nothing and our social involvement has been equal to that. We have several other couples we go out with regularly, but I have still very much missed Susan in my life, her fun family and her love and support.

I have tried to be understanding and not have hurt feelings but I have had them nonetheless. So the other day I finally told Susan how I felt. I honestly thought she would understand and be sympathetic, and maybe even apologetic, but instead she was angry with me for what she called my trying to make her feel guilty. She told me I just needed to be understanding of the demands of her church calling and that she enjoys being with the other couple right now, but perhaps in the future when they are no longer working together, she will have more time to spend with me--and if I were a good friend, I would be happy for her instead of hurt.

I quickly realized nothing good was going to come from this conversation so I apologized for getting her upset. However, I was more hurt than ever by her response.

Now the dilemma. . . When I am angry with her I feel guilty for having those feelings, but when I pray to forgive her and still be a friend to her, then she just hurts me all over again because her behavior has not changed.

So--what do I do? How do I stay on friendly terms with her but not get hurt by her actions?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

So Why Can't I Have My Cake And Lose Weight Too???

I love cake, and ice cream, and Milk Duds and Dove chocolates and . . .

But that of course is a problem. I admit it. I am a sugar addict. Well, okay, let's be totally honest. I am a sugar ADDICT!!

In looking over my list of barriers to good health (see below) I decided this is my most difficult one. This is the one that by 9:00 a.m. sends me to the pantry shelves in a desperate search for that chocolate/sugar I know is in there. It is what deceives me into believing Oreos are my best friend.

Sugar is what picks me up, and it is what dashes me down. It is a vicious cycle I live by.

So I decided to take my worst barrier head on. I am going to face it down and I am going to come off conqueror!

My goal this month is to eliminate refined sugars from my life.
Which means I am going to:

1. Throw out the left over Halloween candy and all other high sugared foods.
2. Replace refined sugar in my diet with natural sugars and healthier choices.
3. Pray--a lot--for the strength to do this as just writing this is causing me to feel pains of withdrawal.

I can do this!! Yes, I can!!
So starting tomorrow . . .
I will keep you informed. :-)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Getting it together . . . finally!! Or--who took my body and what have you done with it???

So I was getting into the bathtub last night and happened to glance in the mirror. Usually I avoid mirrors. I don't like how I look in them as I am sure I look much better in real life. But . . . in this case I did glance . . . and then I stared. Oh my!!!! What happened to my body?? It was old and fat and looked very depressed. I turned sideways and held in my tummy. Nope, it didn't help. I jiggled my hips and examined my sagging . . . well, truthfully I sag just about everywhere so I will spare you and not be specific.

I tossed and turned all night in fitful depression. Okay, this really didn't take me totally by surprise. I mean after all, I know my clothes have been getting tighter and I have been getting older, and it is hard to ignore those aches and pains, but still . . . it was a bit depressing. Is this what I am going to have to look like for the rest of my life? Am I going to end up dying of diabetes or some fat related cancer, or will I have a heart attack?

Around 3 a.m.I made a decision. It is time for an intervention. It is time to change my life. I want to, I really do, but can I???

I have several barriers to optimum physical health. They include:

1. My Age. I am 50 years old. So I know I am not going to ever be at the level someone in top condition at 30 will be. Age itself will limit me to some degree.

2. My weight. I currently weigh 207 pounds. That is not good. I know there are risks factors involved in being obese. (And seriously that just snuck up on me one pound at a time!)

3. Bad health habits. Over time I have developed some bad eating habits--including an addiction to sugar. I did overcome it for a while, but then circumstances in my life changed and I lost my willpower. Now I am back to being addicted. There is just something oh, so wonderful about chocolate!!

4. Laziness. Seriously, I don't like to exercise. I do walk every day--about three miles. But I don't enjoy it. And on days my walking partner doesn't show up, I am more than happy to skip.

5. Lack of sleep. My works schedule requires I get up early every morning and since I also go to bed fairly late at night, I am not getting adequate sleep.

6. I hate doctors. I never really feel sick, so I haven't been to the doctor in ages. I am way behind on physicals--like pap smears, mammograms, cholesterol testing, etc. That is something I need to take care of.

7. Bad oral hygiene. Yes, I brush my teeth. In fact I am fanatic about it. But even so I have some gum disease and have been referred by my dentist (and yes I do go to the dentist) to a periodontist. I have not made that appointment yet though.

8. Lack of "Can Do" attitude. I have failed so many times, that is my mind set. I currently, in my heart, do not feel I have the will to succeed.

9. High stress levels/depression. I have a lot of stress in my life and I have become a stress eater. I also eat when I am sad, and depressed. I am not sad and depressed a lot in my life, but I do struggle with some relationships that cause me some grief and I often find myself eating when all is not in harmony in those relationships.

10. "I am fat" mentality. In high school I weighed 125 pounds so I was not at all fat. I did carry more weight on my thighs though and so my mother was always "encouraging" me to go on a diet to get that off. She frequently had me on diets. I remember coming home from school for lunch so I could eat fish and a diet drink that she made for me--that was awful, by the way. Anyway, I have always thought of myself as fat, even when I wasn't. And so I did fat things. I am going to have to somehow change my way of thinking to believing I am a thin person and learn to do thin things. I have also been on every diet and lost and gained weight repeatedly over my lifetime.

So . . . there are my barriers. Tomorrow I will start working on a program to overcome them.