Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Friendship Experts--I Need Your Advice!

At the risk of sounding a bit like I am returning to high school, I am seeking advice from anyone willing to give it.

About seven years ago, I became very good friends with someone I will call "Susan". During this time our families have gone on vacations together, celebrated holidays together, and over all been very good friends. I consider Susan one of my most cherished friends and have been very grateful for her friendship.

A little over a year ago, both Susan and her husband received stake callings where they made some new friends. Since that time most of their weekends have been spent with this other couple. Susan has gone from calling me every day to calling about once a month. On occasion she will email me but for the most part our communication has dwindled down to nothing and our social involvement has been equal to that. We have several other couples we go out with regularly, but I have still very much missed Susan in my life, her fun family and her love and support.

I have tried to be understanding and not have hurt feelings but I have had them nonetheless. So the other day I finally told Susan how I felt. I honestly thought she would understand and be sympathetic, and maybe even apologetic, but instead she was angry with me for what she called my trying to make her feel guilty. She told me I just needed to be understanding of the demands of her church calling and that she enjoys being with the other couple right now, but perhaps in the future when they are no longer working together, she will have more time to spend with me--and if I were a good friend, I would be happy for her instead of hurt.

I quickly realized nothing good was going to come from this conversation so I apologized for getting her upset. However, I was more hurt than ever by her response.

Now the dilemma. . . When I am angry with her I feel guilty for having those feelings, but when I pray to forgive her and still be a friend to her, then she just hurts me all over again because her behavior has not changed.

So--what do I do? How do I stay on friendly terms with her but not get hurt by her actions?