Thursday, October 29, 2009

Getting it together . . . finally!! Or--who took my body and what have you done with it???

So I was getting into the bathtub last night and happened to glance in the mirror. Usually I avoid mirrors. I don't like how I look in them as I am sure I look much better in real life. But . . . in this case I did glance . . . and then I stared. Oh my!!!! What happened to my body?? It was old and fat and looked very depressed. I turned sideways and held in my tummy. Nope, it didn't help. I jiggled my hips and examined my sagging . . . well, truthfully I sag just about everywhere so I will spare you and not be specific.

I tossed and turned all night in fitful depression. Okay, this really didn't take me totally by surprise. I mean after all, I know my clothes have been getting tighter and I have been getting older, and it is hard to ignore those aches and pains, but still . . . it was a bit depressing. Is this what I am going to have to look like for the rest of my life? Am I going to end up dying of diabetes or some fat related cancer, or will I have a heart attack?

Around 3 a.m.I made a decision. It is time for an intervention. It is time to change my life. I want to, I really do, but can I???

I have several barriers to optimum physical health. They include:

1. My Age. I am 50 years old. So I know I am not going to ever be at the level someone in top condition at 30 will be. Age itself will limit me to some degree.

2. My weight. I currently weigh 207 pounds. That is not good. I know there are risks factors involved in being obese. (And seriously that just snuck up on me one pound at a time!)

3. Bad health habits. Over time I have developed some bad eating habits--including an addiction to sugar. I did overcome it for a while, but then circumstances in my life changed and I lost my willpower. Now I am back to being addicted. There is just something oh, so wonderful about chocolate!!

4. Laziness. Seriously, I don't like to exercise. I do walk every day--about three miles. But I don't enjoy it. And on days my walking partner doesn't show up, I am more than happy to skip.

5. Lack of sleep. My works schedule requires I get up early every morning and since I also go to bed fairly late at night, I am not getting adequate sleep.

6. I hate doctors. I never really feel sick, so I haven't been to the doctor in ages. I am way behind on physicals--like pap smears, mammograms, cholesterol testing, etc. That is something I need to take care of.

7. Bad oral hygiene. Yes, I brush my teeth. In fact I am fanatic about it. But even so I have some gum disease and have been referred by my dentist (and yes I do go to the dentist) to a periodontist. I have not made that appointment yet though.

8. Lack of "Can Do" attitude. I have failed so many times, that is my mind set. I currently, in my heart, do not feel I have the will to succeed.

9. High stress levels/depression. I have a lot of stress in my life and I have become a stress eater. I also eat when I am sad, and depressed. I am not sad and depressed a lot in my life, but I do struggle with some relationships that cause me some grief and I often find myself eating when all is not in harmony in those relationships.

10. "I am fat" mentality. In high school I weighed 125 pounds so I was not at all fat. I did carry more weight on my thighs though and so my mother was always "encouraging" me to go on a diet to get that off. She frequently had me on diets. I remember coming home from school for lunch so I could eat fish and a diet drink that she made for me--that was awful, by the way. Anyway, I have always thought of myself as fat, even when I wasn't. And so I did fat things. I am going to have to somehow change my way of thinking to believing I am a thin person and learn to do thin things. I have also been on every diet and lost and gained weight repeatedly over my lifetime.

So . . . there are my barriers. Tomorrow I will start working on a program to overcome them.